I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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