I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize