I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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