Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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