Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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