Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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