ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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