just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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