chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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