I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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