You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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