Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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