your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
