I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I forgot wine drunk hurts
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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