I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
