he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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