we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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