I must be too annoying 4 u.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.