I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.