She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?