Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?