I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing