im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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