I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
