I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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