mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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