Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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