She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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