allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
