btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
