I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Michael Bay diarrhea
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
