If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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