This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
