i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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