you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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