god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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