i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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