i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
