ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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