i don't like sucking hair
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.