So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?