Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked