last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?