My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here