I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.