just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
