I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
