M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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