Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
