Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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