I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize