I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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