I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.