Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
