Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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