my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
