names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
