Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
