Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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