im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
my poor anus
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.