God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.